![]() ![]() I am unequivocally human.ĭo you know what I've realized? If I had the same excess of power, the same access to disposable income, the same opportunities for indulgence-I would do the same. I don't, I don't, I don't.please, God.īut when I look in the mirror, I can see it. "If you don't think you're like your grandfather, look in the mirror," she had said to me, my long-lost family member slinging those words at me-those words embodying my deepest fears. Did I make a false vow? Did I really believe that by vowing to do everything different I could expunge my family's past entirely-utterly untangle myself from this genetic web? I don't necessarily buy into generational curses, but I do see the same predilection and propensities following me like a faint shadow. ![]() The truth is, I've careened off into the mist of ghosts and I'm having a hard time quieting their clamoring voices. Note to self: you know you're telling yourself lies when you start comparing yourself to others. Look, I tell myself, look! You are not your family's mistakes! You are good and pure and whole and responsible! I marveled at my cogent responsibility, my inimitable organization. I did the most sensible thing I knew how to do: called my therapist, made an appointment, wrote it down on my calendar. ![]() My great-uncle's death has reanimated a host of ghosts, all of them seemingly rising from the pit of my past at once demanding to be heard. ![]()
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